I’ve just recently spoken to my friend about this, as it explains a lot of turmoil entering my emotional life the past few months and intensifying. Something which I could call “the lunar attack”. What I mean with that is that my natal Moon is being attacked from all sides. To be quite exact, I handed her a copy of Robert Hand’s “Planets in Transit” and told her the combinations she should look up to make sense of it because even though logical explanations are present, this time astrology has the answer for me clearer than I could ever express (which is a rare thing).

So here are some of the outer planets that are literally ‘doing an attack’ on my Moon as displayed per chart attached to this entry:

• Tr. Pluto square Moon: intense emotional experiences, sudden memories of past experiences that are influencing your current life, power struggles, changes in the home.
• Tr. Saturn conjunct Moon: feelings of loneliness and depression, dried up emotions, self criticism.
• Tr. Uranus opposite Moon (upcoming later this year): sudden emotional upsets, changes in/around the house.

The feelings of loneliness and depression are indeed more present than I have felt them in years, and I’m undergoing some remembering of childhood experiences of neglect, the way I choose to seclude myself in some instances and the reasons of why that was.

I feel very little satisfaction with my current profession (IT), and I have a very strong urge to “work with people” in a strange, perhaps even self centered way (can you hear Saturn talk?). As a service oriented profession, I have had difficulties internalising what is thrown at me on a day-to-day basis. I’ve come to figure out, this profession demands me to be more “service like” than I really am as a dutiful Virgo. That’s of course a way too neat description;) You might want to try probing my 101 lols section on my personal blog to get an up close and personal indication of how not obliged I feel to serve if I’m not serving a worthy cause.

It’s about an incredible urge to vocalize of what I think is wrong with not only my field, but with people in general. I’m not exactly known to be one of the more ‘tame’ employees if you catch my drift, but it’s just not enough. I have so much more to say, so much more I’m about to burst out of it. I’ve also come to the realisation that even going to the top of an organisation will not give me what I want: ultimate personal and free expression (I thank my prominently placed Uranus for that one). All of these remain to haunt me, but I’m unable to find a way to integrate it in my daily life, even when thinking about changing careers – perhaps set up a company of my own, etc. I’m generally unable to come up with a practical answer to the problem, one that could earn me my living. I rest in the fact that I am not alone, no matter how hard I try to come up with answer*****.

Robert Hand’s book speaks of ‘childhood behaviour patterns’ that have become obsolete. After chastising myself for nearly 5 years on the topic, I’ve come to the conclusion that I quite like the way I directly respond to people (also see Tr. Pluto square Mercury before this), that I’m not short of 200% sure I want to keep responding that way and that it is not only a correct method of approach for myself (even though I suffered sometimes) but it is the one and only correct way of approach that makes sense for yourself and which shows respect for others. The only thing I can say in all humility is that I hope I won’t have to swallow my own foot on that issue when I have no more courage to draw strength from. That truly is “the start of the end” we’re witnessing every day. Surely I’m seeing that I’m holding onto something which some ‘elders’ could consider childlike, naive or perhaps even weak. It doesn’t change the fact that the reverse is wrong in every language. Even with very little to show for it, I hold on to that notion and what I have to say about it now has to come out one way or the other.

Wish me luck on my quest to find a way of expressing this in- or outside my current profession because how succesfully I do this pretty much will define how happy I will feel.

***** I received a question of a visitor recently. I humbly must admit, even though I’m a couple of years older than you are,  I’m in a point of my life I cannot answer your first question because my judgement is clouded. As for the second part of your question, if I would only look at what is there instead of what is not, the answer is in your Moon’s nodes, they are conjunct his stellium in the 10th house, which includes Mercury (the planet of thought). It would seem there is a connection to you and him, be it on a very intellectual level and less of a emotional level.