I’ve created this in such a way that I can change the color scheme on the backend, I only have to change maybe 5 or 6 colors to give it an entirely different look. Where the raven picture is located is a feature post function. It uses jquery to rotate by fade out/ in. It’s widget ready (left to the raven, sidebar, footer), supports rss override, can display subpages from the menu, and possibly I’m stuffing some more neat functions in it. I don’t know at this point.

What annoys me right now is how to standardize the sidebar color. It’ll be a while before I can activate it.

Also, I enabled a lightbox plugin on this blog. Click the layouts in this post. ^o^

I have no clue what I want to throw my energy at in the future or what my future is going to look like. If I ever leave my field, it is not because I’m demotivated it’s because I’m motivated by something bigger. Even as a CIO, it would probably not give me the kind of gratification I’m looking for. I’d have to be “a little less of everything” to become happy with the way I’m spending my time. A combination of extreme boredom and anger from insufficient space to move always sets in. I also know I cannot solve that problem by just closing my eyes, picking a subject, and start my own business because it will envoke the same feelings.

Can turn on my axis all I want, stuff isn’t changing for me overnight, but I am so done sacrificing myself, my emotions and my energy for and with such fail. Yep, wasn’t ready to recognize it just yet: but unfortunately any decisions made this year won’t be made out of heart for what I’m doing either because I’m simply not figuring it out fast enough. Now to make sure how future decisions stay acceptable, watch me control that. *does the macho chick dance*

You’ll probably see a fairly large change the coming days as my buddy Jack here (*points to icon*) will appear less and less. I’m not only not good with patience I’m also not good at drifting around not knowing what to do and how to do it. If I have to decide to step into a car and drive into a brick wall it’s easier for me deciding this then just standing around going “I’m confused… ” and get hit by a bus while at it.

Apollo gave a feast to Jupiter and requiring water sent the raven with a cup (Crater) to fetch some. On his way the raven noticed a fig tree, and, resting there until the figs became ripe, feasted himself upon them until, remembering his errand and fearing the anger of Apollo, he picked up a snake (Hydra) and on his return gave as an excuse that the hydra had prevented him from filling the cup by having kept the spring from flowing, this being the cause of the delay. The god was not deceived by the lie and ordained in punishment that the raven should never drink so long as figs were not ripe. Apollo placed the raven (Corvus), cup (Crater) and snake (Hydra) in the heavens as a memorial, where the Water-snake guards the water from the everlastingly thirsty Raven. Corvus now sits within sight of the Cup of water, but he can never drink.

Tragic story isn’t it? How sad I don’t believe it, or should I say, this Raven is going to keep squirming for water. Good thing I don’t like figs.

a. Being a young smart ass in an old fart ruffneck institution is easy as cake if you just think “happy thoughts“.
b. Being a female young smart ass is not even more annoying, if you manage to convince yourself “talent is the thing that is rewarded in this world” and there is no such thing as an extra hindrance in moving around the social network of nearly all men *buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp, scratches… well can’t scratch my nuts*. Met Engineer Barbie yet?
c. If (l)user or h00min is being a jackass or backstabber, it is easy if you just learn to keep your beak shut when it counts instead of getting an axe to swing or just “LOL dimwit” in his/her face to prevent acid burn.
d. Admitting to yourself you have no control over things that obviously are controlling your life, is a perfectly acceptable way of testing your faith in God and wait your life out to see him and complain.
e. And lastly, there is absolutely no hindrance in finding that perfect guy that might be able to ‘even things out a little bit‘, if you’re just able to close your eyes to the media, to the rather strange behaviour your next date is showing when you use a big word and if you can just keep your mouth shut when he’s trying patheticly to be smarter, better than you by pretending you’re just “a little less than him“. I have nothing against a little cocky, just don’t wear my skin to the parade as your feathers. I draw a line somewhere. Almost always certainly “outside of the parameters given“.

His exact words were “focus on the positive”. Say, when was the last time I’ve actually gotten anything positive out of my FOF-joint then my ability to LOL endlessly about it? No instead if I do something rite my superiors stand over me giggling, not knowing what to say, afraid I might get too arrogant (never underestimate the effects of reverse psychology). You can never do something rite with (l)users, even if you’re doing it rite. Though one thing I figured out though, “they’re just happier people”.

Personally, I like number d. Any believers in tha house?

In any case I only have a small problem that the left side of my brain is working too well. It usually says to the right side of the brain it’s FOS, because it’s got 20 full archives to prove the opposite point.

Kumbaya my lord~ Kumbaya!~ *left hemisphere: stfu*

What do you mean I’m already a sour old hag? Fuck, all this, and I’m still cracking jokes. Let’s see how well you do!

Sometimes I’m almost burning to ask “Look, I’m almost as far g0ne as you are. When does the insanity level start to count for something instead of just time, waiting to grow old?”.

Song of the day! I remembered why I like Soilwork.

The only reason I’m not letting my tubes tied is the 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000001% I get hooked in the coming years and the guy wants a kid. My friend always says ’she’d like to have children someday’ and I’m completely neutral on the topic. It’s not like I want to have kids or don’t want to have kids, it’s really another question: to have a relationship is one thing, to have a relationship with someone that is worthy of this sacrifice is another. I think I’m a little too old by now to just screw around with someone if I can’t see him as the father of possible rugrats in a couple of years. If I meet a guy that doesn’t want to have kids, I don’t care. So as a matter of fact, I still have zero motherly feelings. I don’t know how I’m ever going to have them if I have to keep living the way I do. I’m not some chica that thinks getting knocked up is “their one chance of unconditional love”. lol. More like, you fed another human life to the dogs. Selfish.

Sighs. Am just not getting anywhere with coding that new theme. As usual I need 2-3 days of full focus to get it done without no interference. It’s hard if you start for 2-3 hours and then you have to quit again. You’ll end up trying to figure out where the hell you were getting at the next day.

*bums* I’m cranky. I know exactly why I’m cranky again. Patience, the thing I don’t have. On the other hand, I’d say I’m pretty darn patient if you consider that I consider 6 years of my life are just thrown away for nothing and still have another 40 something or more to go. Still beating myself up trying to find an answer and I also know it doesn’t work. I just fear I’m passed the point of making choices because you want to make them. I fear it so badly because my energy reserve is near depleted. I honestly probably cannot deal with any more things I will need to do because I must instead of what I want to. Remember that house I drew… Even if I don’t fully know the answer, it’s at least gotta stop going from bad to worse. Is even that too greedy? I truly wonder.

Just took a long shower, something I always do when I’m seriously cranky. I bawled it out some. Well at least we had that for this week. My mood is generally somewhat more even than this. Hormone crap.

Am logging off so I can be cranky watching X-Men.

Ex-cap’n “Consistently Stingy” came to talks to me because CIO-san had said “hey, when is this task going to be done?” which Soon-To-Be-Ex-Capn “The Artful Bullet Dodger” has on it’s list to delegate to me. Nao were it not that I was the one that talked to customer about in the first place, which ended up on Soon-To-Be-Ex-Capn’s desk who shoved it to Cap’n of Bullshit Containers, my soon to be new Cap’n, who landed it on CIO-san’s desk.

What?

Hai, Feles-kun ™ played consultant and this is what you get. AND NAO the holy circle of fail is complete. It’s not my fault entirely that it still doesn’t work customer-kun. Juuuuuuust look at it! Meanwhile even though I actually function, the boys are too busy requesting status updates from each other.

Now you know why I’m FOS! It is this I try to hide from my customer-kun’s.

Talked to Ex-capn “Consistently Stingy” about the Epic Fail in general some too. He can never talk for too long, I think certain topics give him stomach acid burns. In between he said “must have been real hard on you”. Behold the understatement of the century. I truly think the islanders have the gift of burrying 19 out of 20 people coming to work there. And you wonder’s why I say “Customers are just happier people”? All I know is there were days I woke up every day with one question: “WHY? WHY ME?”.

I lol’d yesterday when the fellow lolcats were talking bouts the employee reviews. Sysman was pissed off. I says: “I’ll be curious what I’ll hear, though I don’t think it’s going to be good”. Appman said: “You think your recent collisions will impact the review?”.

I looks at the guy asif he’s just snorted 1 kilogram of cocaine.

“OF COURSE it is. Unless the guy all of a sudden grows a conscience about the mess he’s leaving me behind and the fact that he’s taken the liberty to insult me on several occasions of which none were called for because I was merely doing my job correctly, yes then MAYBE, and only if he can get over himself, he’ll apologises in the name of correct h00min behaviour before he even starts the nonsense coming out of his backend.”

You know why it ies I know the “Artful Bullet Dodger” knows he’s is wrong? Because he avoided me in the parking lot. lol. Smart move. I’m betting right nao he’s working up the courage to do a final “Does like eel”, slick smile on his face to be a jerk just one more time.

I mean give me a break “I know how my house looks, my friends know how my house looks, even teacher know how my house looks… but what I drew: this IS NEW!” I thought about why I did that and I don’t think it’s because it’s the house I wanted to have or any kind of deep meaning behind it other then: “Gosh this is assboring. Been there, done that.“

…

There’s a reason it’s called an “upgrade”. Like… something is supposed to be there already for the upgrade to be succesful. Now what would that be…. Ah! I know I know I know Teach! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!

*drumrolls*

THE FULL VERSION.

So I did my little pity dance but no, I don’t believe anyone is really that stupid. I actually updated the instruction with the words: “Upgrade stands for: must has a full version previously installed”.

I usually use older versions of Firefox since the plugins I frequently use are slow in being updated. If I don’t check my websites when a new browser comes out, this is what you get. t_t WHYYYYY?

As I’m developing a new theme, I got another shocker. It’s the same code but behaves differently in 3 browsers, not Safari, FF, IE noo. Different versions of FF and IE all of which aren’t even 3 years old! Enough to drive every webdesigner mad.

Above you’ll see that in IE7 this occurs. IE8 doesn’t seem to do this. Just IE7. The older firefox doesn’t have this issue either. The space in the second picture should not exist.

Now look what happens if that same code is opened in Firefox 3.5.7. Displays perfectly in Firefox 3.something but now is junk in Firefox 3.5.7.

By God, I want to scream. They’ve truly made a giant mess out of it the past three years. “It’s all for the better”, yea yea… but don’t remind me I’ve got a shit job to do and stuff to get done. Making my sites compatible with 0.00002 version of each browser is killing me.

Luckily some options were still open to me to pursue something higher, which I did. Even then, I took astrology classes 2 times a month and skipped classes. I skipped nearly 70 or 80% of my classes by the time I reached the 3rd year in Information Sciences. I never really did study or at least I have absolutely no memory of having difficulty studying at that level. I sure did have significant trouble studying at lower level where my homework was checked. *hurl*. I ended up failing at everything simply because my attendance was checked and that I had to show my homework. It had a definite impact on my grades, which just completely slipped.

Sure I had topics I struggled with. I still can hardly imagine I would have a high IQ since I was never really good at math. I also always connected math with IQ tests, perhaps that’s wrong. No actually, it’s most definitely wrong. I shouldn’t have even gotten through Information Sciences, that’s how bad I was at math in high school. There is/was something else going on. It seems there are also different types of being gifted instead of just, the “math type” or as I call it: “society’s holy grail of measuring intelligence by stereotype”. I think I belong in that ultra creative non-conforming group some sites speak of. No surprise there. Whatever I am, gifted or not, I sure showed every sign of being gifted growing up.

I’m actually thinking now, if I were a boy my elementary teach would have said “That’s going to be a good pale looking, skinny nerd. Sends him to IT school”. ENTJ, though self tested, comes up over and over again. And that’s something “stuck to your box” people usually don’t have. I had a real problem recognizing that as part of my character, because again, it is extremely discouraged and completely misunderstood for females. Starts with “Depres” and ends with “sion”. Come to think of it, I did one of them tests before getting hired at my current workplace. I believe the HR manager and CIO-san looked at it and went “WUT?”. Then they looked at each other in disbelief going “You think she cheated?”. Unfortunately I didn’t cheat: I am a walking paradox.

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It’s pretty much unorganized for now. I think I’m linking it up to the profile page, seems like a suitable place. If I get any worse, I’ll try more prominent coordinates for this page.

Shared a few (l)user jokes today with ER employee “pretty nails” and was completely hyperactive. Don’t remind me I’ve broken one off today, again, after careful grooming because dragging a 6kg brick of a notebook has it’s downsides.

I got a h00min shoved under my nose last week, whom we shall call “Appendix-kun”. High FOS content. It’s not his fault, it’s his job. *snaps fingers* As long as he isn’t confusing the FOF organisation structure with my actual abilities we’ll do just fine. Just because I’m a company within a company, doesn’t mean a. that I asked for it, b. for that fact to be abused, c. that I’m not doing my 20 (underpaid) roles correctly / as best of my ability (which is kitten purring fabulous compared to other h00mins). For nao, appendix-kun stopped squirming. As is usual with this profession though, appendices and cap’ns and other h00mins who well – … have a high FOS content will be equally counterproductive as high as the situation demands to be productive. Yes, you may read that sentence again for the lolbulb to switch on.

Even (l)user who went customer on me in rainbow colors (#63) winked at me. I have no idea what that meant, but I cherish the idea he’s tired of FOS.

Cap’n is getting a farewell party. Farewell “Nao that I’m leaving, the budget is nearly gone”. Farewell “All humans are inherently lazy”. Farewell “We have to talk about your issue on doing things right”. Farewell “Maintenance contract wut?”. If it’s during office hours, I’ll show up for the noms and make interested people know I showed up for the noms. If it’s not during office hours, I doubt I’ll pay my last respects because Cap’n kind of threw it out the window. I have some upsetting news too for my friends that are half a head shorter than I am, eat “gohan” and raw fish. In one of your international companies he’s coming to grace you with his presence. When I’m in Nippon, perhaps I shall stroll into the main office and have a chat. lol. Not to mention that this guy is going to give me my “employee review” (with less threatening words in Dutch) this week. Yes, because CIO-san is busy running around. Doesn’t matter anyways, that’s one year I’m blessed salary negotiations are not included in employee reviews. That’ll be a one-sided exchange this coming friday. Actually looking forward to seeing how he functions without any pressure. Kekekeke, Cap’n shouldn’t hide behind being demotivated. Try again after being female and tripling the IQ ~ we’ll get each other just fine.

Feel sad for another ER employee “very old”. Her dad is dying… which, would make sense because she’s already “very old”. From what I hear, it’s been rough. Support, strength and love ♥ because contrary to image, I’m a social person.

Now I can hear everyone that is staying in Japan or ‘just happened to be in Japan’ by the time this is premiered say how mahvelous his b00bs looked on the big screen and there’s no way in hell I’ll get to see it until it’s aired out of Japan (which I hope it will because then it lands in the binaries faster).

Boo. So sad I’ll never get to see it in premiere time and the torture I will have to go through hearing about it from other fans.

Let me guess. Premiere date somewhere early 2011? You’re going to have a mahvelous premiere then my lad. Jove is smiling (Jupiter loves you in that time). Happy for you, but a long time for I get to see anything t_t.

It’s all Koyama’s fault. XDD

Here are a few screenshots from the 2005.10.02 episode (includes Kusano and Tegoshi).

I can tell you one thing, Kusano had rocket fuel up his ass every time he participated.

Edit: diversion partly a success.
I finally finished nearly three paragraphs on the yearly predictions for Yamapi. That was hard, but at least the words were able to come out.

Short, dark and handsome – I’m such a sucker for those.

Oh yee prince of darkness, let’s rule hell together until the living start dancing because they’re burning their feet. ♥♥♥♥♥

Full calendar & hq quality scans available here.

The experience of course wasn’t complete until I scrolled by a chick and went “Who’s this chi-… TEGOSHI???”

What I truly wonder about is… I mean you see them on the tv and such, they must have success somewhere. Whenever and where ever that is… it’s hilarious and kind of sad at the same time. Evil even, if they’re not chicks over a respectable age. So remember kids, have an old hag lady on standby or as a second personality to take care of these characters (I know my readers are mostly female and younger than I am myself). As for me I smile at the thought some old guy with a bald head, big beer belly is truly thinking “what the hell can I still use on her so she’ll fall for it?”.