The more years pass by, the more I seem to be interested in the word “freedom”. Astrologically it’s perfectly explainable, but I’m too sober to just accept something that it says. Like everything I really think about it carefully (sometimes until my head hurts). The thing is, it’s been with me all my life – only the past 4 years or so it’s become a very prominent issue for me. I struggle with it in my relationships, my work, it’s everywhere. “If I just could have that perfect job”… “If I could just meet people that aren’t in some way disturbed, so I can regain some trust”… and more of such thoughts haunt me every single day.

I realize that whichever job I have and where ever I go: I won’t like it there, because there’s a fairly high chance people will prevent me from liking it there. It’s like this you see… I believe what I have experienced and will be experiencing for the rest of my life is not different from any other person. Everybody is familiar with at least some elements, though admitted my path is somewhat unconventional and it does have the tendency to pressure me more than average. What is different is the way I deal with it’s influences. Probably only on my deathbed is the first time you will hear me say: “That’s the way it goes”. Simply because that’s about the only time you actually don’t have a choice. I have a serious problem with how people make the choice to imprison themselves. In a dark room I can’t tell which one of us is behind bars and that means now my freedom is taken away too just by breathing the same air. It is really true: I expect more from people than they expect themselves. What they don’t realize yet, is that they’re not making their life easier by making it easier on themselves; they are making it harder.

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