I hope I can keep up the spirit in appreciating my own strangeness~. I’ve been decisive and according to my own nature, for a while there earlier in 2009 thought I was sinking back into a hole but I’m still here in all glory *cough*.

It’s still isn’t very funny, and at the same time it is. Front row tickets to the best comedy show on earth, I always say. But no matter how I twist and turn I will always without exception find it such a shame and a very sad ordeal that I get confronted with inconjunct and have make the conjunction myself by extreme effort with very little return. Probably will never stop grieving about that, probably will always feel like I never belong someplace. I guess that’s the biggest punishment for people that have been dubbed as ‘different’ by the larger group. Their misunderstanding creates enormous understanding the other way around. A side effect of seeing more clearly. On the other hand, there are good points about it. Countless even when it comes to altruism, but the one that counts for yourself is for instance that I rarely am in my own way. Know pretty well what I want, what I like and don’t like: even when I know I’ll never get it and the reasons for that. I will never accept the reasons, but “I am and will be until my last breath”.  It’s kind of an undisturbed faith, something impossible to shake. I realize it could have been way worse when I hear stories sometimes.

There’s probably many people out there that wished they had some of that. I’m thinking it’s a result of my character and the not-so-nice things that happened to me. Strange how the same things work differently on different people, isn’t it? I’ve always “hyperinflated” without pretense (important!) with every knock to the head, and I intend to keep that tradition.

At a certain point that kind of becomes a problem too: so much energy, so much to do and nowhere to go with it. It’s like you truly outran yourself. Your body is still in one location but the rest of you is somewhere in outerspace. Weightlessness is pretty cool, but it has it’s limits of fun. Sometimes I think I’m looking at the past when I realize the current moment of my life. Like I’m not really here, because somewhere something went into overdrive so nothing feels real anymore. ^^; As I practise astrology I have the tendency to project these feelings onto planets; and as my planet is Uranus, I guess this onesided conversation here on this blog is a really good example of what Uranus means astrologically. It’s now also no surprise that eh, layout I’m making recently left my hands. So remember: whenever you’re in outerspace going 1000 miles an hour and “here” feels unreal: Uranus is speaking to you. For me it’s been a planet that’s been strong for my entire life but everyone gets a visit for longer or shorter time at some point. So when it’s that time for you, please remember me.