Maybeh, I would just like to see an end to certain stuff happening in my life right now. I know I did do everything I can, but apparently that’s not enough. It’s that way with a lot of things really. I’m not going to go back to where I was 4 years ago: I am simply not going to go back into sobbing and praying that one day I will wake up and can hardly spell my own name. I know what my problem is after 28 years: I’m just too goddamn smart. lol. Stinky stinky, arrogant poo: all the while suffering from the consequences and never wanting to be able to put 2 and 2 together on anything if that meant I would be missing out on fun, if that meant I would be putting myself in a very compromising position all my life. I can’t change who I am. I am an enormously curious, creative, smart entity categorized as female and admitted I’m not average in my interests. And I know I will always, for the rest of my life, have to deal with the consequences that come with that whether I like it or not.

No man will like me because they feel inferior (apparently something that still doesn’t sit very well). I don’t exactly invite it unless you go stand on a chair and beat your chest while butting into my life. That’s your one way ticket to ‘gawd, you st00pid?’ hall of fame. You know what, I’m not a good match with someone that can solve a difficult math problem either… those I’ll probably have a problem with before they can even blink. A good dose of self inspection and logic will go a long way.

Gender discrimination exists and is more alive than ever before since it occurs in methods that are ‘under water’, ‘not directly confrontable’ and more of the same. I’m not exactly what you call a feminist, because I do not swear allegiance to any flag. But trust me I know and see through what is to be female and be born in this world and I fucking spit on it because I have no other choice than to combat it (I am what I am, remember). I’ve also learned that men seem to accept the cards dealt more easily… like in kindergarten. One of the bigger boys hit them in the face, and they found themselves a new underling a week later. If I may make a stereotyping remark: it does not work on women like me. If I now speak for myself it makes me leaner, meaner, angrier, more frustrated, and more eager to strike where it really hurts. You know what they say about women (stereotype pun), they never forget! Just like an elephant never forgets. You never quite know when that enormous foot will come crash down on  you. The ‘real ones’ can’t step down because it’s impossible even though they know a comfortable, peaceful and happy life is thereby completely annulled as well. I have nowhere to go with myself in this life, and I’m not blaming myself. What do you say about that? XDDD.

You know, it’s not like I would ever be tempted to do weird stuff. But this weird stuff you see on the news on a daily basis makes p-e-r-f-e-c-t sense to me. Like, it doesn’t even take me 2 seconds to come up with an explanation for that behaviour. It’s their own fault, I say. People with just less limitations on their behaviour than I do have, will just go beserker. And if you’re wondering ‘gee, why is it there’s so much dishonesty in this world, why is it I meet so many assholes’. You know why? Because we made the world that way. That’s why. I’m sorry, the rest of the world did, I’m not exactly joining in just yet. All in all, whatever is living on this planet is making this planet this way. Where little kids in Africa feel hunger, so on so on, and the reason why I’m not done bitching yet. The funny part: if someone is growing hungry in this world and might be in dire trouble, it’s the same reason why I as a working class woman in the western world would still feel unsatisfied. It’s all a giant pile of shit with the same cause: h00mins.

Also: intelligence is a very fast ticket to isolation if you’re not careful. I may have two like minded friends, but, knowing two people that aren’t two giant assholes using their intelligence, creativity and means is something extremely rare in this world. You either have your intelligent assholes that abuse everybody or you have your dummies that are abusing the system to put people like me with their back against the wall. Both of which are an eyesore to me, both of which *blinks innocently* could come under a bus and I don’t care. Both of which, will have the bill presented to them eventually. Nobody crosses an ENTJ. As one, I should learn to have no morals and have no conscience and only have half the actual capabilities I actually have a good ‘fit’. That’s a suitable profile for 99% of people out there. But unfortunately mother nature played a trick on me. I still haven’t found peace with that, even when I’ve finally come over my modesty and my guileless belief in other in other people is utterly destroyed. I told myself 4 years ago, I didn’t want to hate. I didn’t want to end up hating the world. I got stuck with that feeling for 4 years, but I’m sorry… Call me bloody arrogant and out of place but I believe I earned to feel that way. I was always nothing but reasonable, always modest, always forthcoming, always ready to help and it got me shit shit shit and more shit. Not by situation or bad luck, but I can actually point out failures of human beings I wasn’t  always able to cut off that have made my life miserable. “Muu muu muu, what makes our little princess special?”, I can almost hear people thinking that thought. That’s the basis of your problem right there, and the reason why I say I’m better than that. It’s a pathetic attitude, not towards me but yourself and you know it. And you know that this same pathetic thing is the cause of everything else out there. Reason why I fight myself so hard to end up not hating. To stop myself from saying one day “muu muu muu, what makes you so special?”.

You see, I believe in a world where it is simple to be me. And if it isn’t, then there’s just something wrong in the world that needs to be fixed. I know I can’t fix it, because I don’t have the power to. I only have the mere joy of commentating on seeing h00mins fuck up again and again and again. If the world is very simple to you, well then good for you. If it’s as simple as just living your life, I commend you. If it’s as simple as going around like a headless chicken making trouble for everybody, you’re a waste of life as I see it.

My patience with h00mins is kind of gone.

I am done with failure. And I by far am not it.